How To Solve Your First World Problems

Generation X and Y have redefined the meaning of a problem. There are now two categories: real problems and then first world problems. Sure, life’s no bed of roses, but generally speaking, we’ve had the luxury of creating more frivolous concerns to keep. We’ve turned collecting parking fines, ripping suit pants exiting taxis and battling fast food cravings on bikini body diets into a full-time occupation.

So a solution to these first world problems? Leave the house early so we can get to work on time? Make our own clothes out of chain mail and velvet offcuts? Suppress cravings with salmonella viruses? I think it’s too late for extreme propositions.

First world problems are scalable. The lower end of the spectrum constitutes *sigh* what a hass! Problems, All the way up to I can’t even… problems. But we don’t need to feel guilty about our lukewarm coffee complaints or protesting against the exorbitant price of probiotic yoghurt. Instead, we can allow these frustrations to provide us with a timely reality check, to prevent us from winding up as the muggle version of Moaning Murtle: crying in the toilets over dodgy love potions and embarrassing hookups.

So, what’s the answer to solving first world problems? Such prevalent daily dilemmas need careful consideration and pragmatic answers. I’ve created a one-size fit all flow chart that will guide you through I can’t even… wardrobe crisis’, weak wifi connections and failed Facebook posts.

Disclaimer: real problems can’t be solved with a flow chart or a three step process.

In the event that you find yourself in a dithering disarray over tangled headphones or missed episodes of Game of Thrones, and are unable to flowchart your way to a plausible solution, remember these steps:

  1. Recognise your problem eg. You’ve run out of wine half way through a very intense game of Cards Against Humanity. Walking down the road to buy more appears too arduous at this point.
  2. Brainstorm solutions eg. Switch to Gin or ask your neighbour if she has any cooking sherry and pretend to be making a trifle at 10.30pm.
  3. If all else fails, create a viral meme about your problems. This will remind others to love thy neighbour and ensure they are well stocked with wine and cooking spirits at all times.

Alternatively, let’s recognise trivial frustrations, laugh at them and develop a new found appreciation for everything we have. Don’t lose sight of the big picture by getting caught up in menial travesties. It can become a full-time occupation if you let it. You’ve got bigger fish to fry.

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